We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
