so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
