Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
