he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
