Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
