Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
