Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
