You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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