I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
