Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
