Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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