Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
