You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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