do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
