so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
