Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
