Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
