i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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