Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
