Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
