life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
