Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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