my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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