I wish I could teleport
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
