theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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