Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
