OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it because I queefed?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize