my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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