so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
