My room smells like vodka and shame
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
