You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
