i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
