I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
