ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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