It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
