shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
