dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
