i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
