I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
