I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
