Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
