She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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