im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
