I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
