It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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