i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
