I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize