After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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