I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the condom got lost in my hair
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
