I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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