Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The beer is more important than you right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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