Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he puts the penis in happiness.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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