dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
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