You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
