I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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