Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
