Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
