Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
