Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
