Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
