So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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