I bet he comes in French.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
