You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
