Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
