Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
