we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
