the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She bit a glass in half.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
