Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
