Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize