I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
