perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
