I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
