you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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