Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
