I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Enjoy the penises
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
