Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
