Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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