Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
