it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
