you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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