Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
