I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
