Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
