no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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