My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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