my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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