he thought i was a dude.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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