just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
