i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are a genius and a whore.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
