you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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